Building Blocks of a Healthy Home

Investing in your family is really the best investment you can make in life.  It will pay big dividends as your children grow up to serve God and live productive lives.  Recently, at New Life's Family Life conference, we learned about the "Seven Building Blocks of a Healthy Home".

Building Block#1: Be a healthy person
Motto: “Only you can be you!” 
Key Scripture: 1 Timothy 4:8, “For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”

Application: What are some areas of your life that need to change so that you can be a healthy parent and create and environment of health in your home?  List your top three.

If you want to parent healthy kids you need to be a healthy person.  Health equals wholeness.  the ABCs of a whole person include 1) Accept yourself, 2) Balance your life with spiritual pursuits, and 3) Commit to a courageous lifestyle.

One thing I've noticed about parenting over the last 20 years.  All of my five children are different, but each one (in their own way) is looking to me as an example and following my lead.  If I am leading an unhealthy life or have destructive habits, it won;'t be long before I begin to see these attitudes or behaviors develop in my kids.  Only you can be you!  And your kids need you to be the very best you can be in character and deed.  Be a healthy person and raise healthy and whole kids!

Family Life

The Family Life Conference was a great success this year.  A number of families suggested that providing materials online would be a good idea.  So I thought I would blog about some of the material.  One of the sessions which I led was entitled, "Parenting Like a Horse-Whisperer".  The four main points were: 1) Strive to be steady, 2) Strive to be single-minded, 3) Strive to be strategic, 4) Strive to be prize-oriented, and 5) Strive to develop a partnership.

I. Strive to be Steady (Video on overcoming fear)
Horses get to know you by sight and smell, and the tone of your voice.  They sense the mood!  They know if you are nervous, angry, or anxious.  A good horseman is calm and collected when working with a green-broke horse.

How can I be calm and collected as I parent a toddler or teenager? 

1. Be Confident - Fortunately or unfortunately, no one is an expert the moment they become a parent.  The same is true of a horse whisperer.  It takes a lot of time to develop the skills and patience of a horse whisperer.  

• The good news is that you don’t have to be an expert to be confident.  Stephen Covey opens his book on family life with this chapter title, “You’re Going to Be ‘Off Track’ 90 Percent of the Time.  So What?”  He writes, “Good families--even great families--are off track 90 percent of the time!”
•   But, you can still be confident!
• Confidence comes when you remember that you are the parent, they are the child.
• Confidence comes from your love for your children.  If you love your kids deeply from the heart, they will sense that love.
• Confidence grows as you overcome your fears.  What makes you anxious about parenting?
• 
  

2. Be Consistent - Horses want to know what you expect from them.  For this reason, it is important to act consistently when working with them.  The same is true of children.  

• Consistency is a choice and a habit which can be developed.  You don’t have to know everything or do everything just right.  If you will simply be consistent, trust will develop.  Developing trust with your children is more important than anything else.
• Consistency flows out of establishing boundaries and borders.  Your child really wants to know your expectations for attitudes and behavior.  If you will be consistent in your behavior and your expectations, all the guess work is removed.  

3. Communicate clearly - communication is both verbal and non-verbal.  How you manage your emotions communicates very loudly to your children.

II. Strive to be Single-minded (Video - “Treat them like you want them to be.”)

If you ever watch an experienced horseman work with a horse, you will notice that they are not very easy discouraged.  Like children, horses can easily disappoint.  They don’t always act or react like we plan.  Having a mental picture of the attitude, character, or behaviors we are trying to influence into our child is very important.

1. Be single-minded by exhibiting patience when your child doesn’t respond like you desire.
2. Be single-minded by exhibiting a persevering attitude focusing on what your child will become, not the behaviors which are currently being demonstrated.

“Don’t treat them like they are  . . . Treat them like you want them to be.”  (Buck Brannaman)

III. Strive to be Strategic (Video on groundwork)

When you work with a horse it is understood that you have an agenda or a purpose.  You want to educate the horse so that horse and rider can work together without a lot of drama.  The same is true of parenting.  It’s OK to have an agenda for your kids.  In fact, we are all God’s children.  Just as God has an agenda for His children, so we also should have a strategic agenda for our child.  Parenting requires a strategy.  If you’re like me you want your kids to grow up to be successful and significant in God’s will.

1. Parent with the end in mind - What are you expecting of your child?  Does he or she know what you are expecting?  Make your expectations clear.  Write them out.  Talk about them.  If you communicate your expectations, your child will surprise you by fulfilling them.
2. Parent with short term goals -- It’s easy to be overwhelmed by parenting.  Short term goals help me keep moving forward when I feel like I’m failing as a parent or things seem to be slipping backwards.  One motto I learned in my youth when working with horses went something like this - “One step forward, two steps back”.  The point is that with kids and horses, “slow is fast.” 

IV. Strive to be Prize-oriented (Video #1: Bribery Doesn’t work)

Every horse whisperer knows that you reward good behavior.  If the horse with which you are working cooperates, you pat them on the neck or speak softly and encouraging to them.  You don’t ignore good behavior, you reward it. 

1. Be an encourager in your child’s life.  Notice when your child does something right.  Be a voice of encouragement.  Your child should hear you say, “I love you” and “I’m proud of you”.  
2. Don’t bribe, but reward.  As far as I’m concerned it’s OK to offer rewards to your child for desired behavior.  Most of life is wired this way.  But be careful not to bribe your child.  All that is required is that you make the reward clear and wait for the desired behavior before you give the reward.

V.  Strive to develop a partnership (Video on partnership)

What makes a horse whisperer a horse whisper?  Are they just patient, soft-spoken people?  Horse whisperers are good at “joining up” with the horse.  Horses are herd animals with herd instincts, so they naturally want to “join up” with you.  Likewise with children, seek to form a partnership so that they want to follow your lead.

1. Be relational - Kids need relationship with mom and dad.  So be available.  Be touchable.  Be real with your kids.
2. Spend quantity time - There is no replacement for quantity time with your kids--that’s when the quality time happens.  If you will spend time with your kids, you will build a healthy relationship with them.

• Go on vacation together.
• Go on a date.
• Develop shared hobbies.

Enjoy, Pastor Tom

People of God - People of Presence

Exodus 6:7 reads, "I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the LORD your God, who brought you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians." The Hebrews were in slavery 430 years in Egypt.  Then God sent Moses and set the people free (Exodus 16:35).  God's presence was with the people in the desert wanderings for 40 years -- a pillar of fire in the night and a cloud by day.  

Hit the rewind button some 500 years and Abraham is just appearing on the scene of God's redemptive story.  Adam and Eve and Noah and the Ark are long gone (like 800 plus years past, Genesis 7:6).    God's story is just beginning.  Adam, Eve, and Noah are just one act in a grand play.  Now Abraham takes center stage. 

Genesis 12:4 tells us that Abraham was 75 years old when he set out to follow God's call.  The preceding three verses are pivotal.  In Genesis 12:1-3, Abraham receives the call to leave his country and head out to the "promised land"(12:1).  God promises to make him into "a great nation" (12:2) and to bless him and make him a blessing to all peoples on the planet (12:3).  The second part of 12:3 reads, "and through you all the people of the earth will be blessed."  Imagine that - God was choosing Abraham and promising to make him a great nation so that "all peoples" (literally all ethnic groups) would be included in God's plan and promise of blessing.

The rest is history so to speak . . . Israel does become a great nation and in Christ Jesus, the church becomes the people of God witnessing to the power and presence of God in the world today.  In 1 Peter 2:9, Peter writes, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."  You might think Peter is referring to the Israelites, but no . . . he is referring to the church (the people of God). 

The biblical pattern is clear - 1) God is a people choosing God, 2) God blesses his people so that they might be a blessing, and 3) the presence and the people of God belong together.  I began with a passage from Exodus so I will leave you with Exodus 33:14 says -  "The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

I'm grateful that God has a people called the church.  We are far from perfect and more importantly we are dependent on God's presence in our lives.  As I look at how God has worked in the past, I am reminded that God still has a people today--a people of the presence.  May God help each of us to cherish the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives and seek to share him with those we meet.  Pastor Tom

Christianity teaches that God 

people of God

presence of God 

Thankful for friends

This Sunday, November 17, we are focusing on being thankful for friendship.  As we do, we will take a look at David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel 18-20.  David and Jonathan's relationship is a great example of loyalty, integrity, and friendship.  In their relationship we notice at least three qualities of friendship.  First, they were willing to sacrifice for one another (see 1 Samuel 18:4).  Second, we learn of Jonathan's loyalty to David in 1 Samuel 19:1-3.  And third we notice Jonathan and David's strong emotion towards each other (1 Samuel 20).  Each characteristic reminds us of the great value of a good friend.

The best way I can relate with the friendship of David and Jonathan is to compare it to the relationship between brothers or men who have fought together in the military or played on a sports team at a high level.  Perhaps you have another example in your life of true friendship which helps you relate to David and Jonathan.

The truth is we all need at leas tone good friend.  I know I am thankful for the friendship I have with my spouse, my brothers, and my church family.  How about you?  What are the friendships in your life for which you can be thankful?

Good to give thanks

Psalm 92:1 encourages us with these words, "It is good to praise the Lord."  On Sunday, November 24th at New life you are encouraged to join with us as we give thanks to God for all of our blessings.  We will have a "Parade of Thanks" during the gathering followed by a RISE & BAKE Luncheon.

It's good to give thanks.  See you Sunday.  Pastor Tom

30 Days of Thanksgiving - gratefulness and contentment

Some people are too quickly satisfied with God's blessings, others are never satisfied with God's blessings.  I came across two humorous stories about gratefulness and contentment that might make you laugh.  Michael Hodgin shares them in a book entitled, 1001 Humorous Illustrations.  The first story goes something like this --- A food editor of the local newspaper received a telephone call from a woman inquiring how long to cook a 22-pound turkey.  'Just a minute,' said the food editor.  'Thank you very much,' replied the novice cook, and hung up!    The second story follows ---  In a region of Mexico hot and cold springs are found side by side. Because of the convenience of this natural phenomenon the women often bring their laundry, boil their clothes in the hot spring and then rinse them in the cold spring. A tourist watching this procedure commented to his Mexican guide, 'They must think mother nature is generous to freely supply such ample clean hot and cold water.' The guide replied, 'No, señor, there is much grumbling because she does not supply the soap.'  Some of us are satisfied too quickly and others are seemingly never satisfied.  So what's the point?

First, it's important to understand that God takes ungratefulness very seriously.  when God gives us a blessing, we should be quick to give thanks.  Consider King Hezekiah in 2 Chronicles 32:24-25.  The Bible says, "In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death.  He prayed to the LORD, who answered him and gave him a miraculous sign.  But Hezekiah's heart was proud and he did not respond to the kindness shown him; therefore the LORD's wrath was on him and on Judah and Jerusalem.”  The New Testament provides another example in Romans 1.  Paul connects ungratefulness with "darkened minds" (Romans 1).  Wow!  Being thankful is really important.  

Second, gratefulness can produce an attitude of contentment in your life.  It works, really!  Next time you feel like complaining or reciting all the negatives in your life, take a deep breathe and begin counting all your blessings!  Repeat until your attitude changes!  Plus gratefulness is contagious.

Third, gratefulness can balance out your expectations in life.  Remember, some of us are too easily satisfied, while others seem to never be satisfied.  Gratefulness can produce patience and perseverance in your life.  We when focus on the good things in our lives rather than the troubles, we are reminded of God's grace and we gain hope for more of the same. 

Practice gratefulness and contentment this week as you walk with the Lord.  Pastor Tom