Divorce, Marriage, Relationships, and Life

This sunday at New Life we will be preaching from Matthew 19 on Divorce, Marriage, and Relationships.  I know the subject of divorce has touched all of us in some way.  It is a subject which requires truth and grace.  I hope to offer both this Sunday.  In this blog, I focus on divorce and marriage from the vantage point of someone who might be struggling in marriage or considering divorce as the best option.  Whatever marriage you are in--your first, second, or third--I believe your best course of action is to stay married and grow to become more like Christ, especially if children are involved.

It's true, "the Beavers don't live here anymore."  For decades now, divorce has become common place in American society.  What is more surprising is the reality that being a Christian doesn't seem to function as an inoculation against the pandemic of broken relationships across our great country.  According to George Barna, "Born Again" Christians are divorcing at a similar rates as the society in general.  Barna writes, "America now boasts the highest divorce rate in the world. . . . For Americans, the allure of divorce is that it appears to offer the simplest solution to what typically amounts to a complex web of problems.  As always, appearances can be deceiving.  Divorce often shatters spouses emotionally and financially.  In fact, the consequences of divorce can be more harrowing than the troubled marriage."  (The Future of the American Family, George Barna, 65)  The statistics demonstrate that people who are in troubled marriages and do the hard work to rebuild their marriage tend to be happier five years later than similar couples who get a divorce and remarry.

The Bible is clear, God "hates" divorce because it represents a "broken promise" and it is damaging to adults and unhealthy for children (Malachi 2:15).  Jesus taught us the divine ideal for marriage to be a lifelong bond that unites husband and wife in a "one flesh" relationship (Matthew 19:5).  Marriage is about life-long companionship and love.  Marriage is an opportunity to grow to become more like Christ.  Of course, love and companionship is good fro us and great for our children.

So what about love?  Is there anything greater than love?  Paul wrote these words to the Corinthians, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Perhaps the biggest marriage allusion is that love "just happens" or that love is a "feeling".  In reality,  love is more of a choice and a character quality.  Love is a gift that we offer to our spouse on a daily basis even if they do not respond accordingly.  Sometimes that love is appreciated and reciprocated.  Other times it is ignored and violated.  In any case, true love flows from God's fountain of love (1 John 4:19).  To love your spouse in difficult circumstances, you need to tap into a huge reservoir of God's love that is available in Christ.

So what about growth?  Some marriages are made in heaven, some it seems in hell (just being honest).  In either case, marriage is worked out on earth!  Whether you have an "easy" marriage or a "challenging" marriage, you have seasons in life when you must work at your marriage to restore it or refresh it.  Otherwise, your relationship of love and companionship will disintegrate into thin air.  What you once felt for your lover and friend will disappear.  So why not work on your relationship and grow in the process?!  

I believe God designed Christian marriage to be an object lesson of God's relationship and love with His people, the church.  Paul seems to agree in Ephesians 5:23-32.  That means that your marriage is a reflection of your relationship with God and your relationship with your spouse is closely connected.  It also means that if you are willing to grow in your relationships with God, your marriage can also be transformed (Romans 12).  

Becoming more like Christ could be the key to saving your marriage and finding true happiness in life.  I know it seems like some marriages are destined to fail.  And yet, no one comes together on their wedding day with a secret plan of divorcing down the road (or maybe some do?!).  We are attracted to our spouse, "fall in love", and make plans for a life together.  Our hope and dreams are that we will experience life-long love and companionship.  Life has a way of challenging those dreams.  But, God has a way (if we will let him) of keeping those dreams alive and growing us into stronger people in the process.
  
If you are struggling in your marriage or considering divorce, My hope is that you would give God a chance to change your marriage and change you in the process.  All things are possible with God (Philippians 4:13)

See you Sunday at the ARC (9:30 AM and 10:15 AM).  Pastor Tom