Divorce, Marriage, Relationships, and Life

This sunday at New Life we will be preaching from Matthew 19 on Divorce, Marriage, and Relationships.  I know the subject of divorce has touched all of us in some way.  It is a subject which requires truth and grace.  I hope to offer both this Sunday.  In this blog, I focus on divorce and marriage from the vantage point of someone who might be struggling in marriage or considering divorce as the best option.  Whatever marriage you are in--your first, second, or third--I believe your best course of action is to stay married and grow to become more like Christ, especially if children are involved.

It's true, "the Beavers don't live here anymore."  For decades now, divorce has become common place in American society.  What is more surprising is the reality that being a Christian doesn't seem to function as an inoculation against the pandemic of broken relationships across our great country.  According to George Barna, "Born Again" Christians are divorcing at a similar rates as the society in general.  Barna writes, "America now boasts the highest divorce rate in the world. . . . For Americans, the allure of divorce is that it appears to offer the simplest solution to what typically amounts to a complex web of problems.  As always, appearances can be deceiving.  Divorce often shatters spouses emotionally and financially.  In fact, the consequences of divorce can be more harrowing than the troubled marriage."  (The Future of the American Family, George Barna, 65)  The statistics demonstrate that people who are in troubled marriages and do the hard work to rebuild their marriage tend to be happier five years later than similar couples who get a divorce and remarry.

The Bible is clear, God "hates" divorce because it represents a "broken promise" and it is damaging to adults and unhealthy for children (Malachi 2:15).  Jesus taught us the divine ideal for marriage to be a lifelong bond that unites husband and wife in a "one flesh" relationship (Matthew 19:5).  Marriage is about life-long companionship and love.  Marriage is an opportunity to grow to become more like Christ.  Of course, love and companionship is good fro us and great for our children.

So what about love?  Is there anything greater than love?  Paul wrote these words to the Corinthians, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Perhaps the biggest marriage allusion is that love "just happens" or that love is a "feeling".  In reality,  love is more of a choice and a character quality.  Love is a gift that we offer to our spouse on a daily basis even if they do not respond accordingly.  Sometimes that love is appreciated and reciprocated.  Other times it is ignored and violated.  In any case, true love flows from God's fountain of love (1 John 4:19).  To love your spouse in difficult circumstances, you need to tap into a huge reservoir of God's love that is available in Christ.

So what about growth?  Some marriages are made in heaven, some it seems in hell (just being honest).  In either case, marriage is worked out on earth!  Whether you have an "easy" marriage or a "challenging" marriage, you have seasons in life when you must work at your marriage to restore it or refresh it.  Otherwise, your relationship of love and companionship will disintegrate into thin air.  What you once felt for your lover and friend will disappear.  So why not work on your relationship and grow in the process?!  

I believe God designed Christian marriage to be an object lesson of God's relationship and love with His people, the church.  Paul seems to agree in Ephesians 5:23-32.  That means that your marriage is a reflection of your relationship with God and your relationship with your spouse is closely connected.  It also means that if you are willing to grow in your relationships with God, your marriage can also be transformed (Romans 12).  

Becoming more like Christ could be the key to saving your marriage and finding true happiness in life.  I know it seems like some marriages are destined to fail.  And yet, no one comes together on their wedding day with a secret plan of divorcing down the road (or maybe some do?!).  We are attracted to our spouse, "fall in love", and make plans for a life together.  Our hope and dreams are that we will experience life-long love and companionship.  Life has a way of challenging those dreams.  But, God has a way (if we will let him) of keeping those dreams alive and growing us into stronger people in the process.
  
If you are struggling in your marriage or considering divorce, My hope is that you would give God a chance to change your marriage and change you in the process.  All things are possible with God (Philippians 4:13)

See you Sunday at the ARC (9:30 AM and 10:15 AM).  Pastor Tom

Resurrection and Life

Living sure beats dying. I just wrapped up a grave site funeral in 18 degree weather with snow falling and wind blowing. It reminded me of all the good things we share together in life such as memories, adventure, good food, love and marriage, our children, fishing, hunting, sports. The list could go on and on. Life is definitely better than death. And yet, death is certain to come to all of us.

Death reminds us to value our life and live with meaning and purpose. In John's gospel chapter 11 we encounter a story about life and death and how our relationship with Christ can produce life even after we die.

Jesus said in 11:25, "I am the resurrection and life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" He said this after one of his close friends, Lazarus had passed from life into death. But, Jesus had a plan. He would raise up Lazarus form the dead.

From out of this powerful story flows both historical and spiritual realities. Historically speaking, archeologists tell us that churches were built on the grave site of Lazarus from as early as the 4th century if not earlier. In other words, this story spread through out the region and down through the pages of history. People came to believe in Jesus as the Christ because they saw him raise up Lazarus from the dead. It's hard to dispute a miracle when the very evidence is walking around and living just like you. Tradition tells us that Lazarus later served in Cyprus as the Bishop of the church.

Spiritually speaking, there are some very important truths we learn from Lazarus' story about how we can live a resurrected life. Let's take a look.

1. Faith and a change of mind - Faith is the first step to receiving the glory of God in your life. When Jesus said, "Take away the stone," others expressed practical concerns. Lazarus had been dead for four days (11:39). But Jesus wanted them to have faith. Jesus' offer of life must be received by faith.

2. Obedient action - Although their minds told them no, their spirits said "yes". They obediently removed the stone (11:41). Faith must always be followed by action. If we say we believe, we need to live like we believe.

3. Removing the old life - When Lazarus came out from the grave, he was still wrapped in grave clothes. Jesus, then, commanded "Take off the grave clothes and let him go." (11:44) This may be the most important step to living the resurrected life. Removing the old life allows us to step into the new life we possess as a child of God. Whatever is holding you back must be thrown off.

This week believe the promise of Jesus and live the resurrected life for which Jesus died and you were redeemed. See you Sunday as we celebrate the resurrection and the life.

Pastor Tom

Falling Forward

Falling forward is still moving forward in life.  I learned something this week about life from my 11 year old son.  We spent spring break together at Keystone in Colorado.  It was my kids first time skiing, so it was quite an adventure.  It only took Luke and John 1 hour on the bunny slope before they were ready to go to the mountain.  We started out on the the green slopes and had a blast.  By afternoon, they were begging for a blue slope, so we went for it.  Half way down, John took a pretty good fall.  He fell forward and slid down the mountain side, leaving his poles, skis, and hat 10 feet behind him.  Thankfully he wasn't hurt.  But John and I both learned something from his fall.

John learned that his confidence had been tested.  The fall really surprised him and he continued his trek down the mountain with less speed and less confidence.  I think John became a better skier after his fall.  Why?  Because, he now knew that he could fall.  Now he skied more intelligently.  Henry Ford once said, "Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently."  The next day, we found ourselves on another blue slope called the "Irishman".  It was steeper than any we had faced before, but John handled it in stride and with increased speed and confidence.   John was not skiing more intelligently and successfully.

I learned that falling forward is still moving forward.  John Maxwell once said, "Failure is not fatal.  Only failure to get back up is."  There are many ways to come down a mountain slope, some more graceful than others.  Honestly at my age and skiing ability, "graceful" is probably not the first word that comes to mind when you see me ski, but I can ski pretty much any slope I need to including a black diamond.  But back to John's fall.  John learned to ski more intelligently.  I learned from John's fall that falling forward is moving forward if you are willing to get back up.

This is a very important lesson in life.  We all fall down, either because of our own mistakes or the mistakes of others.  But are you willing to get back up and keep moving forward.  That's why we all need God's help in the equation of life.  If we want to keep moving forward to enjoy a beautiful life, we need forgiveness for the past and strength for today, and hope for the future.  All of these inner qualities we find in Christ Jesus our Lord.  He fills us with the power to forgive ourselves and forgive others, strength to face the struggles which today will bring, and hope for a better tomorrow.

In Christ Jesus, falling forward is still moving forward.  So this week, ask the Lord to help you find success even when you fall down.  Tom Ragsdell